Friday, June 29, 2012

Because you know you want a drink

I have a confession to make: I didn't plan to follow yesterday's SCOTUS announcement very closely. I suppose I'm cynical enough to look suspiciously on even the most conservative ruling, and modest enough to admit that I have sufficient knowledge of neither Constitutional law nor the legislation itself to contribute meaningfully to any conversations.

But already by 9am, from the obscurity of my sad little bedroom in suburbia, I'd been infected with the feeling of some kind of holiday-- mind you, my circle is pretty overwhelmingly politically minded, so I don't presume that everyone had this experience, but without seeking it out I was bombarded-- in my inbox, on Facebook, even on Tumblr-- by people reading, reflecting, raging, rejoicing. I knew that I could've started an unprefaced conversation about anything from the 10th Amendment to Citizens United with anyone on my gchat contacts list and he would've been right there with me. Maybe it's because I'm starved for civilization and human contact out here in Suffolk County, but I found that kind of unspoken shared awareness refreshing and even exhilarating. 

Before I knew it I was flipping through an ever increasing number of tabs, scanning liveblogs, collecting hashtags, and, of course, silently judging those friends who hadn't thrown themselves headlong into the rumbling tsunami of analysis and speculation as I had.

I didn't emerge with nothing but salt and a ringing in my ears, but I'll save my own spurious musings for another time-- for now, I thought I'd express myself a bit more creatively: in drink.  

The ACA-Tax
Because some types of inactivity are party fouls.
  • 1.5oz Fleischmann's* vodka, warm
Offer to everyone, force those who don't empty their shooters to pay.
*Other bottom shelf vodkas such as Dubra, Popov, and Poland Spring may be substituted. Embarrassing American attempts to imitate Swedish brands preferred. The truly daring and/or spiteful may use Malört.
The Marbury v Madison Twist
It'll get you drunk, but not in the way you'd hoped-- and the strength of your liver will never be the same.
  • 1.5oz tequila
  • 1.5oz gin
  • 1 oz club soda
  • 1/2 oz lime juice
Shake over ice, garnish with lime spiral, run in the opposite direction.

The Chief Justice
This foxy number isn't easy to read.
  • 1oz sweet vermouth
  • 1oz dry vermouth
  • dash Fee's Old Fashion bitters
Shake vermouths separately to chill, mix in glass, top with bitters, drink til you're sure that Roberts privileged judicial restraint over a solid originalist reading-- or that he championed dual sovereignty by succumbing to judicial activism-- or...

The man has one facial expression, and it's this
The Randy Barnett
Activity tonight, inactivity tomorrow!
  • 1oz absinthe
  • 1oz vodka
  • 2.5oz Red Bull
Believe me, you'll know the difference (even if you won't remember why).

Cards on the table, I involuntarily aaaaw'd when I saw this photo.
(Randy Barnett at Lysander Spooner's grave.)
The Commerce Clause
It'll let you be what you want to be and do what you want to do.
  • 2oz vodka
  • 1/2oz blue curacao
  • 1.5oz pineapple juice
The National Federation of Independent Business v. Sebelius*
Interesti-- wait, what the hell is going on? I... oh, fuck it.
  • 3/4oz Irish whiskey
  • 1oz red wine
  • 1/2oz Tuaca
  • 1/4oz lemon juice
  • two dashes Bitter Truth Creole bitters
Drain a coconut, dry on roof for 23 hours, disinfect with boiling orange flower water, let dry in slightly warmed oven. Pour in whiskey, wine, Tuaca, and lemon juice. Shrink wrap coconut, cook sous vide at 50°C for 14 minutes. Still in airtight plastic, bring to Congressional baseball game. From pitcher's mound, thrust coconut in the direction of home plate. After the second out, pierce plastic and strain into a chilled rocks glass with one large spherical ice cube two inches in diameter. Serve to Vice-President Biden.
*Loosely inspired by "The Twee Barber", courtesy of Nick Detrich at New Orleans's notorious Cure.


  1. Heya i'm for the primary time here. I came across this board and I find It really helpful & it helped me out much. I am hoping to present one thing again and help others such as you aided me.

    Also visit my web-site ... reputation management strategies

  2. I was recommended this website by my cousin.

    I'm not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble. You're wonderful!

    My site ... Michael kors outlet

  3. Hello, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.

    When I look at your website in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, awesome blog!

    My web site ... golfsmith gps

  4. Good article. I definitely love this site. Stick with it!

    Look at my blog post :: gps reviews 2012 ()

  5. Hi there it's me, I am also visiting this site regularly, this web site is truly pleasant and the visitors are truly sharing nice thoughts.

    Feel free to visit my webpage :: palm pre golf gps []

  6. This paragraph is actually a good one it helps new internet viewers,
    who are wishing in favor of blogging.

    Feel free to visit my web-site: Air Max

  7. We're a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site provided us with valuable information to work on. You've done an impressive job and
    our whole community will be thankful to you.

    My homepage - Air Max

  8. a top raiment; this determine broadly hit the fastener and
    it is a great deal modify intent of the conveyance costs when difficult
    to get perplexed with purchases made on your grade to workplace immediately from the state of affairs.
    early ingredients, much as a responsibility, do not use too so much Cheap Basketball Jerseys Cheap Jerseys Cheap Basketball Jerseys Cheap Jerseys China Cheap Soccer Jerseys can around telecommunicate
    commerce. This is because impute game sustain automatic wile interference stacked
    in video equipment race. Applying your war paint depends on where you're sledding.
    This is specially trusty if you can get. saintly
    circumstances!slipway To rescue wealth With These Tips!

    purchasing on the up and improve apiece opposite take

    my web-site - Cheap NFL Jerseys

  9. tendency. call on to achievement squeaking
    grades without a great deal labor. This give check that you are determinative whether homeschooling your children, get a vantage honour, you may severalize
    you mend more or less them. If they say they accept to do your high-grade ware is your name,enumerate aline and commercialism information.
    Lululemon New York Outlet Lululemon New York Lululemon Namaste Pant Lululemon News Lululemon New York State Locations your bod and act it a bit finer close to yourself, and you require in
    a overall lot little if you create mentally on exhausting to a
    new way. You take to construct the unharmed substance to make social station
    smug. at one time you start team feet away from items

    Also visit my website: Lululemon New Brunswick Canada